Nothing beats the guilt that I feel right now. The way I have been selfish and ignorant towards you. How I never checked up on you to see if you're doing okay, to an extend people might have judged you. I'm sorry for being too busy and ignorant towards you the past 5 to 8 months... but please know what abandoning you was never part of my plan and it never crossed my mind at all.

But I am back now... back to you, and I will pay more attention to you from now on. If my life activities or my future job is going to cause me to neglect you, I will not accept that job offer. I am very sorry my dear blog.

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Hello all! I am back! Back as in I am so FREE that no way i can neglect blogging (till my next job of course). So I resigned about two days ago and decided to take about a month break to sort things out and get things back to place, get my mind back to place, and get myself back to sanity.

Work stress is something everyone will experience, but for me it was slightly different. Cutting to the chase, your parents may tell you to do just whatever job and make money first, when you are stable then you can achieve your dreams. But let me tell you this, our generation now and back then is totally different!

Back then not only were jobs limited, but the kind of jobs were also limited. Now more and more type of jobs are available because the world is constantly changing. How many of you had Social or Digital Media course in your college? During my time, there's no such thing! The world will continue to evolve and humans will continue to bring new and exciting things to the table.

So my story here is, I followed the old thinking, or rather I forced myself to follow the traditional mentality to take whatever that came first till it took a toll on my mental health. When I first started working at my previous company, I was happy because it was something that I enjoy doing, hey it's social media and i'm pretty active on it how can I not enjoy it?
But as months pass by I realise that I was dragging myself off bed every morning. Since then I realise my work productivity started to drop. It wasn't because of the crazy stressed out workload, but i was just not happy and I didn't realise it. I started having heart palpitations, anxiety attacks and occasional meltdowns. I felt drained mentally and emotionally, dead spiritually, but physically I smile and be happy when I go out with friends. This was my daily routine... even at work with my colleagues.

I read different type of quotes everyday to give myself hope and motivation to go on, to prevent myself from having meltdowns, but when I had my last meltdown that's when I was so certain that I had to go.

After I resigned immediately I felt ALL the burdens off my shoulder. Slowly I also started to feel more like myself again and that's when I realise, I lost myself during the process without realising it. Now I feel really good to be back! To be blogging, gosh how I miss blogging. However I don't understand why did I lose myself before this... was I being someone I'm not? This I'm still figuring it out.

The conclusion is... if you find yourself unhappy or somewhat depressed in your current workplace, MOVE before it gets worst... because it got pretty bad for me, bad to an extent of depression. Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming anyone here... just the situation.

Now I am taking a month off to clear my head, get out of town, and just do my thing... and put myself back to sanity. :)